The Birmingham Water Works Follies

Here’s the one thing that perfectly illustrates what’s going on with the Birmingham Water Works Board (BWWB):

Earlier this week, representatives from the City of Birmingham and the BWWB allegedly had an “unpublicized meeting” at the Birmingham Zoo.

Yes, you read that right.

A secret meeting. At the Zoo.

Note to self: if I ever need neutral ground to resolve a dispute between feuding parties, get a meeting room at the Birmingham Zoo. (BTW, if you’re looking for a worthy cause to support, please consider the Birmingham Zoo.)

It’s been a wild and wooly week in the Tragic City, even by Alabama standards. The source of it all is SB330, a bill that’s been causing all kinds of fun, signed by Governor MeeMaw (we love our MeeMaw!) at 2:55 PM on Wednesday, May 7.

Keep that time in mind. It’s important.

What does SB330 do? Basically, it reduces the BWWB from nine to seven members and “restructures the Birmingham Water Works Board (BWWB), decreasing Birmingham’s influence on the Board while increasing representation from outlying areas and State officials.” It also sets, like, qualifications & stuff for the Board members, and mandates, like, transparency & ethics & stuff. You know, outrageous things like that.

Okay, fair enough. The BWWB serves 770,000+ thirsty customers, most of whom reside within Jefferson County. It’s a Big Deal. Water is one of the cornerstones of life and prosperity—just ask Atlanta what happens when you overbuild your water supply and don’t maintain your infrastructure.

Unfortunately, the BWWB has a decades-long history of mismanagement, corruption, incarceration, rate hikes, financial shenanigans, crushing debt, service and billing issues…you name it, it’s happened to the BWWB.

And the BWWB isn’t just about Birmingham. Jefferson County gets its water from the BWWB, and Blount, Shelby and St. Clair Counties all have dogs in this fight.

Things finally reached the point where members of the Legislature from the Birmingham suburbs felt they had to act—so, SB330.

Birmingham Mayor Randall Woodfin hates it. The Birmingham City Council hates it. Most of the members of the Jefferson County legislative delegation—those who represent parts of the City of Birmingham proper—hate it.

Most of the rest of the delegation—the Over The Mountain folks—are the ones that pushed it.

It’s not much of an oversimplification to view the whole mess as Birmingham vs the ‘Burbs—and we all know who has the power in Montgomery.

Hint: it ain’t the decaying, shrinking City in the center of the County.

The debate on the House floor over SB330 was…interesting. After two fun-filled hours (I’m lying—it was miserable to watch), it passed the House 66-27 on Thursday, May 1st. Since SB330 had already passed the State Senate….

Cue panic.

On Tuesday, May 6, the City filed a lawsuit to stop MeeMaw from signing the bill, asking that it be sent back to the Legislature for changes. Chief U.S. District Judge Emily C. Marks denied the request for an emergency restraining order against the Governor, but did set a March 15 hearing date.

Meanwhile, Birmingham was frantically working to block the deal in other ways—including, as has now leaked, the Zoo meeting.

Tuesday, the City Council voted to offer to buy the BWWB’s assets for the princely sum of $1–with the understanding that the City would assume the Board’s debt.

At the BWWB meeting Tuesday night, this offer received…crickets.

I’m told there were some unpleasant things said about this in certain quarters.

SB330 was signed Wednesday afternoon, which dissolved the current Board. Shortly thereafter, Jefferson County Commission President Jimmie Stephens appointed retired Alabama Power engineer Phillip R. Wiedmeyer to the (new) Board.

Wiedmeyer then filed his own federal lawsuit, asking the U.S. District Court to stop any actions by the old Board.

Then, Wednesday evening, the old Board voted to sell its assets—all $1.2-ish billion worth—to the City.

Now do you see why I said to remember when MeeMaw signed the bill?

The Enrolled, signed Act says that “This act shall become effective immediately.” (line 495)

So, the Act dissolved the old Board BEFORE it voted to sell to the City.

If that weren’t enough, Thursday morning Mayor Woodfin signed the sales agreement, and the City Council unanimously voted unanimously to affirm it.

So, where do we stand today?

On the plus side, I just turned the faucet and clean, cold water came out. I was able to make my coffee. This is good.

On the minus side, we’ve got dueling lawsuits, questions of legitimacy and timing, mass confusion, the inevitable cries of racism (it’s Birmingham, after all)…and when the dust settles, the only clear winners will be the lawyers who’ll collect all those fat, juicy by-the-billable-hour fees.

And who do you think will ultimately wind up paying those fees?

Evil Bill wants to take them all to the Zoo and throw them to the lions.

Good Bill says NO, it would give the lions indigestion, and be cruelty to animals.

While they’re arguing, I need another cup of coffee—made with BWWB water.

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